LANSING, Mich. (WLNS) – Almost every parent has tried using some form of “time-out” as a parenting technique.
After a recent conversation 6 News had with Claire Vallotton, a Human Development and Families studies professor at MSU, some parents may never send their kids to timeout again.
Claire is a parent and has been studying parenting for the last 20 years.
She says the idea of “time out” was created by researchers and psychologists as a replacement for physical punishment, which, studies show is very damaging to children’s health and long-term development.
Claire says it’s less harmful than physically hurting children, but it can still have a detrimental effect on the child-parent relationship and it can be a shaming experience.
“Usually when children are misbehaving they’ve had really heightened emotions, right? They’re angry they’re sad or frustrated, tired, overwhelmed… some of the things we can relate to. But they’re in a state of heightened emission, that’s usually the state where we tell them to go to their room, you’re in a time out or go to the corner, you’re in a time out. That’s also a moment where they most need us. Because they are in a time of heightened emotion. By telling them that in that moment of heightened emotion we can’t be around them, they can’t be around us we are not helping them with the coping tools to actually bring their emotions down and then you know, calm themselves and then reconnect thing about what just happened, when did I just do? Why was that not something we should do in our family?” Claire said.
In her home, Claire does something called a “time in.” She asks her kids:
“What do you need right now? Do you need to cuddle, or do you need to take a deep breath? I offer her myself and we have some time in to reconnect, calm down, and then we talk about and repair the situation. “